Tonight, I'm celebrating with Old Fezziwig!

I made it to the doctor today...and the news, while a little confusing, was good!

My neurologist told me that my lesions were caused BY my headaches, not the other way around. HUH?!? I don't fully get how that works because my doc talks so fast that it's harder to follow his accent. However, he did make it very clear that there's no aneurysm, tumor, Multiple Sclerosis or anything serious like that...but he did say that a lot of my headaches are stress-related (which my last neurologist also said) and curbing the symptoms is where it's at.

I'm not the type that's cool with daily meds (much prefer the holistic stuff!)...and I actually didn't start my first dose tonight because I'm sampling one of the brews in the seasonal combo I bought the other day, starting with the Old Fezziwig! I'm worried about mixing alcohol with medicine, so I'll start with my morning dose tomorrow and skip meds on the (rare) occasions that I do have a beer or glass of wine. I can still take my Valerian root when I feel the need, according to Doc, so I think I'm OK :)

One of the prescriptions (the pain one, not the muscle relaxer) had some hellish-sounding side effects listed amongst the info they give you...increased risk of stroke, heart attacks and even stomach/intestinal bleeding. I'm wondering if I should take it with my stomach problems, but the doc did know about those when he prescribed them...do the risks outweigh the benefits? I don't know but I'm willing to trust his expertise to see if it helps reduce the headaches so I can function better. I go back in 6 weeks and, if it doesn't help, we'll try something else. I'm still going to check WebMD to be sure before I take it...may do that now...

My dad was as upset as I was - he heard the word aneurysm as a possible cause and blocked the rest out, I think - and even offered to take out a life insurance policy on me if it was something serious, since I'm not yet in a position to have something to leave my kids and ensure my boyfriend has the help he needs (my share of the expenses, etc.) if I wasn't around. That's what I'm in school to build towards, late as my start is at 31 years old. I very much appreciate the sentiment but, luckily, it's not necessary and I have time to work on that on my own!

If there's a bright side (aside from NOT facing possible incapacitation or an early grave), it would be that it's really made me evaluate what's most important to me. I can't say I won't still be a workaholic that's obsessed with studying anything I can get my hands on, but I am more concerned with what I leave my loved ones with...I'd rather it be great experiences where my kids have learned something from me, etc. and not that I worked so much that I overlooked too much with them. I saw that revelation coming, really, and hope to find a better balance with that.

One of the things we've had planned with my oldest (who's almost 9 already!) is martial arts classes. My attorney teaches and I'm thinking of going that route. My boyfriend is a yellow belt in 3 disciplines, taught by a student of Bruce Lee, but his schedule and some health problems don't allow for his teaching. I also wanna help my son learn more about architecture (he wants to build houses, he says), dance and see him through his dream to play soccer.

My youngest is still into anything and everything that's fun! At 3, he's too young for the martial arts classes, so we want to encourage him in other things in the meantime. He's big into music and loves to perform (hence his rendition of the Hanes and JG Wentworth commercials, etc, etc. LOL). His oldest brother (my boyfriend's 20-yr old son) plays guitar and is amazing, and his great-uncle plays violin and banjo. Nearly everyone in my boyfriend's family is musically inclined, either singing or playing something, so it seems to be almost a birthright for him.

I realize I'm rambling so I'm going to have to punch Old Fezziwig in the face to make it stop...all in good fun :) To a wonderful night!

I Feel Vindicated At Last!... But Not So Good About It...

It's been a while since I posted on something that wasn't a rant, aside from the piece about the Hanes commercial :) I keep saying I'll post about my boyfriend asking my Dad for my hand in marriage, my school updates, etc., then get caught up and forget or get too tired to do anything at all.

Anyway, I finally made it back to the doctor because I still feel crappy. Between the almost constant nausea, intestinal pain, exhaustion and headaches that have stuck around pretty much in one spot (with occasional movement elsewhere), my doc decided to - finally - set up an abdominal xray and an MRI for my head.

The xray showed up fine, despite persisting symptoms, but the MRI turned up some interesting results. It turns out there are lesions on my brain. I was so upset yesterday after finding out that I could do nothing but cry and look up any and all possible causes for such a thing...which are MANY and VARIED!

I kept telling myself not to get so upset because we don't yet know how serious it is (I have an appointment with a new neurologist Monday for further tests). It could be something major, like a tumor, aneurysm or Multiple Sclerosis...OR it could be something caused by the hormone therapy I had a couple years ago (which triggered the worst of my symptoms) or even the one bad tooth I have, which I've delayed having a root canal on or have pulled.

The only thing I know for sure is that I have solid proof that my symptoms weren't in my head (figuratively, at least), as some doctors tried to get me to believe as I left them to get new opinions. I also know that the one organ I hold most dear is being/has been attacked in some form or other and that scares me. Sure, our hearts and other organs are important but, in my personal opinion, they are the engine, carburetor, etc. while the brain is more like the transmission...without a way to shift, a car will just idle and that's a big part of what our brains offer us.

The damage could be permanent and /or progressive or something that's already hit it's peak and I just have to adapt to the cognitive changes that have already taken place. I have steadily lost the ability to multi-task effectively and find myself nearly walking into corners, getting dizzy/numb, etc. for a while now. The thought of losing any functioning, whether it's cognitive, motor, or whatever scares me...But I won't know until we run other tests what it is and what to expect.

All I know at this point is that my nature is to fight anything that poses itself as an opponent. I intend to fight whatever this is and pay forward any help I get along the way. I was looking into energy healing, acupuncture, etc. even before the test was run, with the intention of also getting help getting back into performing healings myself (Reiki classes, etc.) so I could help others who are out of balance. The call to do healings and re-awaken my creative self has been stronger recently than it's probably ever been and I hope I can still do it...

American Politics (Oi Vey!)

It's not often I bring up my political or religious beliefs on this blog...it's not what I created it for. However, my Myspace account is no longer active and politics in this country has reached such an unprecedented scale of ridiculousness that I can't NOT comment on it. Where to start????

Last night, our President gave his annual State of the Union speech and, while I agree that it's his precursor to his re-election campaign, he brought up some excellent points for where change is most needed in America. Namely, jobs and the economy, decreasing financial burdens on the average citizens while the rich gain more on our backs, benefits to the middle and working classes, as well as to the students (and teachers) that will build our newest generations....in general, fairness across the board.

Who would have an issue with that, the intelligent and educated citizen would ask, right?

The obvious answer would be the GOP, who oppose anything that doesn't directly benefit them and those who over-pay them to push their (usually, corporate) agendas. Speaker of the House, Boehner, went on FauxNews to call the President's speech "pathetic"...BEFORE he even gave his speech! How immature is this party getting, in their pursuit to maintain the status quo?

I almost never bring this up in public, because it's a distant and political connection, but my grandfather's cousin spent some time as Speaker of the House (and became well-known for his fairness and integrity, which are common traits to my family in general), so I'm ashamed to say that this office is now being used to the opposite purpose. It's a disgusting abuse of elected office!

More than ever, they are pushing the religion card around. Romney's Mormon, Santorum's Fundamentalist Christian and Gingrich has tried out a few. Some GOP-ites are calling for kicking Obama out of office, under the idea that he's an "avowed Muslim". This appalls me completely because one of the great things about this country is the whole Freedom of Religion thing our Constitution states.

America was founded by Deists (who believe in God but deny divine interaction into any earthly affairs), who felt one's religion was a personal matter and not to be taken into politics. For crying out loud, Ben Franklin could easily have been called a Satanist for his Libertine, self-serving views! America was founded to be the safe haven from places where religion ruled in politics.

My point is that the religion of our President or the GOP candidates (or anyone else) should never be a political platform. Period!

The GOP are now vying for nomination for the upcoming election and can't even keep from cheap-shotting one another! Problem is, of the 4 remaining candidates, only one has stayed away from the nonsense - Ron Paul. Santorum has only shown his propensity for claiming he's more of a religious zealot than the rest (not to mention all the money he took from the healthcare industry), while Romney and Gingrich are quibbling over who's the biggest sell-out and who's cheated more on their taxes. News Flash: They're BOTH dangerous to America, in more ways that I can list in one post!

Is this the best the GOP can offer our country? Meanwhile, they claim they're all for the People. Between "stealth" attempts to pass harmful legislation behind the backs of US citizens (SOPA/PIPA, Citizens United, more bank/corporate bailouts at taxpayer expense, among others) and gross negligence of our Constitutional rights (with emphasis on our 1st and 4th amendment rights), they really only offer us more of the same of what Americans are sick of and promise to introduce more Big Brother-esque tactics to hold citizens even further down.

America deserves better than this, to be sure!

In my opinion, Pres. Obama's biggest flaw is wasting 3 years of his first term in office trying to negotiate with these over-paid, sell-out babies. They roadblock everything he proposes and then blame him when nothing gets done. To me, it's akin to negotiating with terrorists (a no-win, except to those hoping to profit from it).

He needs to take a tougher stance and push the agenda of the People. It's what he stated in his address and I really hope he sticks to it. I guarantee if he does, he'll win the Undecided vote and probably some of the moderate-rights...he'd almost definitely get re-elected because people are sick of the crap. So, less talk, more action...more progress!

Here We Go Again!

I've been meaning to post for quite some time but have grown lazy, even for me and considering all that's been going on. I hope that everybody had a wonderful holiday season and are gearing up for kickass new year!

My youngest son (who's now 3) has inherited his brothers habit of rehashing commercials and he totally got us with this one today...it's just too cute not to pass on! His new favorite commercial is the Hanes underwear spot where the fruit rides in on horses medieval-style.

His grandpa gave him a rocking horse for Christmas, along with his cousin, and while riding them together this morning he comes off with "We bring news! Of a new tee...that fits like no othah!" Call me an enabler but I'm trying to get him to say "Wear them well. We ride!" My sister and I are still cracking up!

I'm including the ad for reference....I wonder what he'll come up with next...LOL!

ARRRGGGH!!! It's All Just Too Much!!

Another bitch session...Read at your own risk!

Why do people go out of their way to make you feel sorry for them, so you go out of your way to help them...only for them to throw fits and act like idiots when you don't do things the way they think you should?

I'm dealing with that a few times over right now. My mother-in-law is telling sob stories to get us to let her move back in. My boyfriend and I both have family and friends who want to do the extended-stay thing. Despite them all acting respectfully when they visit short-term, we're not so sure about all that. Yesterday, the friend I did let stay, thinking she was solid and just needing a leg up, showed her true colors and I had to kick her out.

Things were fine at first, but quickly turned into very typical crying sessions that interrupted my ability to get things taken care of (like schoolwork, interviews, etc). That's fine...I know she's had a rough go of things for a long time and felt she earned the self-pity sessions. Hey, I've done it myself a time or two and it has it's therapeutic benefits. I am cool to be a shoulder for friends in need, especially once they've proven themselves to me and she had (she saved my life a few years back - I could've died in a fire).

However, this had gotten to be a constant and involved her getting drunk whenever my brother-in-law brought liquor over (he had a crush on her). Once, she even got drunk and passed out while babysitting my youngest (he couldn't wake her up and it scared him...my b-in-law told me about it after the fact), which she tried to justify by being depressed and never did apologize for.

Anyway, my car is in the shop and my boyfriend needs the other for his (now) long commute to/from work. I can only get it on occasion and only when I'm able to pay the double gas back and forth. Well, she walks in just a couple minutes after I get up yesterday and asks in a snarky tone, "so you didn't get the car again today, did you?" Excuse me?!?! As if it was my obligation to run her to town on HER timeframe...especially after she'd gone calling people, giving out my number and address (once to my worst enemy even) and telling them things to make them think we kept her isolated from society as our live-in slave. Really?

I was starting to see why there were so many bridges burned between her and other friends lately. Yes, we're in the country now and I can't get to town on a whim these days, but "live-in maid" doesn't usually refer to someone who stays up all night to talk to some guy she thinks is going to be her savior, while she leads other dudes on out of boredom and sleeps most of the day. Sure she helped with my son, some chores, helped us move, put in applications for work and all that but she was rarely asked to do any of those things. She just did them on her own and was thanked repeatedly, kept in cigarettes and given the run of the place (she got more use out of the computer and phone than the rest of us). We tried to make sure she was made to feel at home and connected to friends, family and her kids, while she tried to get herself together.

We had a few heated exchanges yesterday and she's yet to apologize for scaring my son, starting the frustration/angst-riddled arguments, leading on my brother-in-law and causing a stir between him and his brother. She just thinks she's entitled to create havoc with those who try to help her and we're supposed to give her what she wants in return. No sir, not this bitch! I don't play that way. So, now she has no place to stay (said burned bridges), until she can coerce some poor schmuck to take her in and I'll play the villain in her next sob story. I really didn't want things to end that way, but she kept spitting on the olive branches I was handing to her in between arguments.

Some people refuse to be helped and have to do it for themselves. If I can scratch and claw my way from the bottom...staying with various friends and not having a job, to getting my first place (on my own) and going back to college, to juggling a new baby (working and studying)...to the more recent home ownership/work/school/mommy juggle with a happy relationship thrown in...ANYBODY CAN! The only catch is that it's not easy at the least, takes years of building up (and re-building, even) and takes not letting anyone (be it friend, foe, an old flame or a struggle with depression) throw you off track. It's all about holding steady through the inevitable obstacles.

It sounds like it but I still don't hate her. I actually just think she's messed up and trying to pass the blame of her self-hatred to others. I really hope she finally gets it through her head that you don't make progress in life without being willing to sacrifice or change things (like negative reactions to little things and escapist behavior)...you can't run from everything that's unpleasant in life and expect others to do the work of "fixer". She does have the potential to do great things with her life and I hope she gets past this whole "user" phase...she wasn't always like that and I like to think she'll return to her old self soon enough.

Anyway...that's enough bitching for now. I'm spent! Besides, there's too many reasons to look forward, rather than backward, and that's where the focus should be. Here's to hoping my posts get sunnier!

Hecticity and the Libra Complex

Yet another major delay on the blogfront! Since my last post, I've gone on a pretty constant job/car/house hunt, which literally ate up about 15 hours a day. My goal was to have all that set up before the move and school starting...a goal I'm juuuust barely meeting (school starts Monday and we're still unpacking). A steady job is still being hunted.

No offense to Libras (you know I love you's!) but it seems I'm dealing with their more unreasonable, drama-whore sides these days. Between my mother-in-law, my sister and my youngest son, it's been pretty relentless!

My mother-in-law wanted to move in with us, so we moved her 2 hours down to do that (under the condition that she switch doctors to avoid constant trips out of town). She agreed, but then started insisting on keeping her doctor - who BTW, is about to lose his license anyway for improper practices - and expecting us to drop everything to drive the 4-hour round trip multiple times a month. She's since decided to move in with her friend back up north and put constant pressure on us to send her mail to her and pay her storage fees down here (during an already stressful move).

I try to be patient with her because she has severe emotional problems that have gotten progressively worse (we suspect she's in first-stage alzheimer's, to boot), but it got to the point that I told her to quit calling and cussing out our answering machine, that I'm hip to her "pity-me" games and the lies she tells to get her way...not gonna fall for it! (She apologized to me, then said "it was worth a try") Her friend even called to cuss out my boyfriend and call him a bad son for not bowing to his mother's unreasonable demands (I made sure I was home for the next call from that number!). My boyfriend even lost his patience, which is pretty significant for a Pisces to do, but wound up driving her stuff to her just to stop the calls. I don't abide BS phone calls, especially when they're perpetuated by a "friend" who doesn't even know the situation. I love his mom but the pressure had us both ready to just be done with her entirely. Last I heard, she was asking if she could move back in if things don't work out with her friend...I'm not so sure how I feel about that at this point.

Enter my sister, another Libra. I had made the decision to turn custody of my niece back over to her, because I was at a point that I wasn't sure about finances and really didn't want to have to transfer her to yet another school system (we moved quite a distance away from home). She wants to be with her mom and she's already been to the school district her mom lives in, so she's got friends there.

My sister has made no bones about the fact that she thinks she shouldn't have to pay child support and has even asked if I thought they'd give her her money back (seriously? everyone here knows the state keeps that when they make the custodian take a state check for a family member they take in). She makes it sound like it's all about the money but what about my niece's well-being? It's making me think twice about signing custody over, especially since she's in such a hurry for me to sign paperwork that I don't yet have access to, that she's wanting to go through the courts (which requires fees neither of us have the money to pay). Why do that, when we can file a consentual form for free? I don't get it.

My youngest, bless his little heart, has been acting the fool something fierce! I understand that he's almost 3 and kids that age act up, but the little guy is straight up off-the-chain these days. I can't get anything done for chasing him around and keeping him out of stuff...school and work has become an after-thought at this point, which is a bad thing because we need my income to cover our mortgage and bills and I have to finish this degree.

I totally kidnapped a friend of mine (not a Libra but a fellow Scorp!) who'd hit some rough times and she's been staying with me and has been a HUGE help, but my boy is sometimes too much for even the both of us. Here's to finding a good daycare or pre-school way out here in the sticks, so she and I can meet some work and school goals! If we can work in the time to create some web-things we came up with, that would be a major bonus!

The good news is that we did find a house in a good location, with the right amount of space and (the best part) a significantly lower payment than we were paying at that horrible, mold-infested house we were renting (court date pending on that!). We're getting settled into our new area and into the home. I've lived in the general area briefly as a teenager but my boyfriend isn't familiar at all, so I'm happy to say we're navigating our way around very well. As soon as I can get it formatted, I'll add a pic of the view from my driveway of those gorgeous hills!

Now, if I can just keep the Libra complex at bay until this cosmic psycho spell passes, maybe I can maintain what's left of my sanity (if anything) and get some steady work and start school on a good foot.

Hope things have been well with you all...I'll be catching up your blogs as soon as I get my latest copywriting project out of the way!

Why so unprofessional?

!!!!RANT ALERT!!!!

I don't know what it is, but this week has been horrible for dealing with so-called professionals. From potential clients to job sites, it's been pretty bad.

Due to the drop in my hours and lack of quality job postings on oDesk, I've branched off to build profiles on other sites as well. So far, I've signed up for Solvate (who has a review period I'm still waiting on), PeoplePerHour (UK-based), Workaholics4Hire (who turned out not to have many listings at all) and SOHO Jobs. I don't particularly like the set-up of Elance or Guru, so I haven't gone there - yet.

SOHO looked really good at first and promise quality listings and encourage sign-up. I looked over the TOS and signed up. I soon realized that their free version only let you SEE the listings...you have to pay a subscription fee to apply. WTF? Why wasn't this mentioned upfront? I sent a complaint to customer service and deleted my account.

The owner(?) herself replied, stating that she was ticked off at my complaint because she and her staff will not work for free. First off, who ever suggested anyone work for free? My complaint was at the requirement to pay just to apply to jobs. Other sites charge employers a small fee based on actual work done, not on the job hunt itself.

In the midst of all this unprofessionalism, I've been getting hit up for interviews...even straight up offers... on oDesk. Sounds great, but when I reply back wanting more information on the company, industry, tasks, etc. (many invites give very little info upfront and usually read like "I like your profile and want to know your availability for a part-time gig"), they decline my application. Really? You think employers would want to hire somebody who's interested in knowing their needs and discussing the best ways to serve them. Are we supposed to be mind readers?

One guy invited me to interview for a job he posted no more than one brief sentence about and asked for my email, phone number, etc. I don't give out my personal information at all and only established clients receive my email and skype (NOT my personal phone numbers) because there are many scam artists out there trolling job listings and I loathe spam, so I politely told him I don't give out that information on the outset.

He responded by messaging me (via oDesk) that he wasn't trying to "virtually rape" me then declining my application (or, rather, my invite), stating I lacked the necessary skills/qualifications. Again, really? If I lacked the skills, don't invite me to interview for your job! I feel his childish behavior totally justifies my policy...and this guy was supposed to be a company president!

Things are stressful right now anyway, with my hours down and dealing with my landlord (whom I'm taking legal action against for various contractual violations). My mother-in-law moved in...I love her but she requires 2 trips a month back to her hometown (which is 2 hours away, one way, with gas costs as they are), until we're settled in at our new place and get her doctors transferred there. On top of that, my health has decided to go helter skelter again...they really need to do the follow-up Crohn's tests. With all this going on, why must I have to deal with a new batch of idiots at every turn?

There are bright sides to all this, oddly enough. The severe drop in hours actually opens me up to go ahead and start my own business, assuming we figure out which home we're moving to because it will determine how far I can go initially and which products I'll start with. Both houses are out of town, so I'd need a second car to work outside the home, but that might still be an option.

You know what they say about creation out of destruction...right about now, there's plenty of room to build! I just hope I can maintain what's left of my sanity in the meantime. I'm putting on my seat belt for this ride!

Hope you're all doing better on your ends of things!