Sep 24, 2011

ARRRGGGH!!! It's All Just Too Much!!

Another bitch session...Read at your own risk!

Why do people go out of their way to make you feel sorry for them, so you go out of your way to help them...only for them to throw fits and act like idiots when you don't do things the way they think you should?

I'm dealing with that a few times over right now. My mother-in-law is telling sob stories to get us to let her move back in. My boyfriend and I both have family and friends who want to do the extended-stay thing. Despite them all acting respectfully when they visit short-term, we're not so sure about all that. Yesterday, the friend I did let stay, thinking she was solid and just needing a leg up, showed her true colors and I had to kick her out.

Things were fine at first, but quickly turned into very typical crying sessions that interrupted my ability to get things taken care of (like schoolwork, interviews, etc). That's fine...I know she's had a rough go of things for a long time and felt she earned the self-pity sessions. Hey, I've done it myself a time or two and it has it's therapeutic benefits. I am cool to be a shoulder for friends in need, especially once they've proven themselves to me and she had (she saved my life a few years back - I could've died in a fire).

However, this had gotten to be a constant and involved her getting drunk whenever my brother-in-law brought liquor over (he had a crush on her). Once, she even got drunk and passed out while babysitting my youngest (he couldn't wake her up and it scared b-in-law told me about it after the fact), which she tried to justify by being depressed and never did apologize for.

Anyway, my car is in the shop and my boyfriend needs the other for his (now) long commute to/from work. I can only get it on occasion and only when I'm able to pay the double gas back and forth. Well, she walks in just a couple minutes after I get up yesterday and asks in a snarky tone, "so you didn't get the car again today, did you?" Excuse me?!?! As if it was my obligation to run her to town on HER timeframe...especially after she'd gone calling people, giving out my number and address (once to my worst enemy even) and telling them things to make them think we kept her isolated from society as our live-in slave. Really?

I was starting to see why there were so many bridges burned between her and other friends lately. Yes, we're in the country now and I can't get to town on a whim these days, but "live-in maid" doesn't usually refer to someone who stays up all night to talk to some guy she thinks is going to be her savior, while she leads other dudes on out of boredom and sleeps most of the day. Sure she helped with my son, some chores, helped us move, put in applications for work and all that but she was rarely asked to do any of those things. She just did them on her own and was thanked repeatedly, kept in cigarettes and given the run of the place (she got more use out of the computer and phone than the rest of us). We tried to make sure she was made to feel at home and connected to friends, family and her kids, while she tried to get herself together.

We had a few heated exchanges yesterday and she's yet to apologize for scaring my son, starting the frustration/angst-riddled arguments, leading on my brother-in-law and causing a stir between him and his brother. She just thinks she's entitled to create havoc with those who try to help her and we're supposed to give her what she wants in return. No sir, not this bitch! I don't play that way. So, now she has no place to stay (said burned bridges), until she can coerce some poor schmuck to take her in and I'll play the villain in her next sob story. I really didn't want things to end that way, but she kept spitting on the olive branches I was handing to her in between arguments.

Some people refuse to be helped and have to do it for themselves. If I can scratch and claw my way from the bottom...staying with various friends and not having a job, to getting my first place (on my own) and going back to college, to juggling a new baby (working and studying) the more recent home ownership/work/school/mommy juggle with a happy relationship thrown in...ANYBODY CAN! The only catch is that it's not easy at the least, takes years of building up (and re-building, even) and takes not letting anyone (be it friend, foe, an old flame or a struggle with depression) throw you off track. It's all about holding steady through the inevitable obstacles.

It sounds like it but I still don't hate her. I actually just think she's messed up and trying to pass the blame of her self-hatred to others. I really hope she finally gets it through her head that you don't make progress in life without being willing to sacrifice or change things (like negative reactions to little things and escapist behavior) can't run from everything that's unpleasant in life and expect others to do the work of "fixer". She does have the potential to do great things with her life and I hope she gets past this whole "user" phase...she wasn't always like that and I like to think she'll return to her old self soon enough.

Anyway...that's enough bitching for now. I'm spent! Besides, there's too many reasons to look forward, rather than backward, and that's where the focus should be. Here's to hoping my posts get sunnier!

Sep 2, 2011

Hecticity and the Libra Complex

Yet another major delay on the blogfront! Since my last post, I've gone on a pretty constant job/car/house hunt, which literally ate up about 15 hours a day. My goal was to have all that set up before the move and school starting...a goal I'm juuuust barely meeting (school starts Monday and we're still unpacking). A steady job is still being hunted.

No offense to Libras (you know I love you's!) but it seems I'm dealing with their more unreasonable, drama-whore sides these days. Between my mother-in-law, my sister and my youngest son, it's been pretty relentless!

My mother-in-law wanted to move in with us, so we moved her 2 hours down to do that (under the condition that she switch doctors to avoid constant trips out of town). She agreed, but then started insisting on keeping her doctor - who BTW, is about to lose his license anyway for improper practices - and expecting us to drop everything to drive the 4-hour round trip multiple times a month. She's since decided to move in with her friend back up north and put constant pressure on us to send her mail to her and pay her storage fees down here (during an already stressful move).

I try to be patient with her because she has severe emotional problems that have gotten progressively worse (we suspect she's in first-stage alzheimer's, to boot), but it got to the point that I told her to quit calling and cussing out our answering machine, that I'm hip to her "pity-me" games and the lies she tells to get her way...not gonna fall for it! (She apologized to me, then said "it was worth a try") Her friend even called to cuss out my boyfriend and call him a bad son for not bowing to his mother's unreasonable demands (I made sure I was home for the next call from that number!). My boyfriend even lost his patience, which is pretty significant for a Pisces to do, but wound up driving her stuff to her just to stop the calls. I don't abide BS phone calls, especially when they're perpetuated by a "friend" who doesn't even know the situation. I love his mom but the pressure had us both ready to just be done with her entirely. Last I heard, she was asking if she could move back in if things don't work out with her friend...I'm not so sure how I feel about that at this point.

Enter my sister, another Libra. I had made the decision to turn custody of my niece back over to her, because I was at a point that I wasn't sure about finances and really didn't want to have to transfer her to yet another school system (we moved quite a distance away from home). She wants to be with her mom and she's already been to the school district her mom lives in, so she's got friends there.

My sister has made no bones about the fact that she thinks she shouldn't have to pay child support and has even asked if I thought they'd give her her money back (seriously? everyone here knows the state keeps that when they make the custodian take a state check for a family member they take in). She makes it sound like it's all about the money but what about my niece's well-being? It's making me think twice about signing custody over, especially since she's in such a hurry for me to sign paperwork that I don't yet have access to, that she's wanting to go through the courts (which requires fees neither of us have the money to pay). Why do that, when we can file a consentual form for free? I don't get it.

My youngest, bless his little heart, has been acting the fool something fierce! I understand that he's almost 3 and kids that age act up, but the little guy is straight up off-the-chain these days. I can't get anything done for chasing him around and keeping him out of and work has become an after-thought at this point, which is a bad thing because we need my income to cover our mortgage and bills and I have to finish this degree.

I totally kidnapped a friend of mine (not a Libra but a fellow Scorp!) who'd hit some rough times and she's been staying with me and has been a HUGE help, but my boy is sometimes too much for even the both of us. Here's to finding a good daycare or pre-school way out here in the sticks, so she and I can meet some work and school goals! If we can work in the time to create some web-things we came up with, that would be a major bonus!

The good news is that we did find a house in a good location, with the right amount of space and (the best part) a significantly lower payment than we were paying at that horrible, mold-infested house we were renting (court date pending on that!). We're getting settled into our new area and into the home. I've lived in the general area briefly as a teenager but my boyfriend isn't familiar at all, so I'm happy to say we're navigating our way around very well. As soon as I can get it formatted, I'll add a pic of the view from my driveway of those gorgeous hills!

Now, if I can just keep the Libra complex at bay until this cosmic psycho spell passes, maybe I can maintain what's left of my sanity (if anything) and get some steady work and start school on a good foot.

Hope things have been well with you all...I'll be catching up your blogs as soon as I get my latest copywriting project out of the way!