Sep 24, 2011

ARRRGGGH!!! It's All Just Too Much!!

Another bitch session...Read at your own risk!

Why do people go out of their way to make you feel sorry for them, so you go out of your way to help them...only for them to throw fits and act like idiots when you don't do things the way they think you should?

I'm dealing with that a few times over right now. My mother-in-law is telling sob stories to get us to let her move back in. My boyfriend and I both have family and friends who want to do the extended-stay thing. Despite them all acting respectfully when they visit short-term, we're not so sure about all that. Yesterday, the friend I did let stay, thinking she was solid and just needing a leg up, showed her true colors and I had to kick her out.

Things were fine at first, but quickly turned into very typical crying sessions that interrupted my ability to get things taken care of (like schoolwork, interviews, etc). That's fine...I know she's had a rough go of things for a long time and felt she earned the self-pity sessions. Hey, I've done it myself a time or two and it has it's therapeutic benefits. I am cool to be a shoulder for friends in need, especially once they've proven themselves to me and she had (she saved my life a few years back - I could've died in a fire).

However, this had gotten to be a constant and involved her getting drunk whenever my brother-in-law brought liquor over (he had a crush on her). Once, she even got drunk and passed out while babysitting my youngest (he couldn't wake her up and it scared b-in-law told me about it after the fact), which she tried to justify by being depressed and never did apologize for.

Anyway, my car is in the shop and my boyfriend needs the other for his (now) long commute to/from work. I can only get it on occasion and only when I'm able to pay the double gas back and forth. Well, she walks in just a couple minutes after I get up yesterday and asks in a snarky tone, "so you didn't get the car again today, did you?" Excuse me?!?! As if it was my obligation to run her to town on HER timeframe...especially after she'd gone calling people, giving out my number and address (once to my worst enemy even) and telling them things to make them think we kept her isolated from society as our live-in slave. Really?

I was starting to see why there were so many bridges burned between her and other friends lately. Yes, we're in the country now and I can't get to town on a whim these days, but "live-in maid" doesn't usually refer to someone who stays up all night to talk to some guy she thinks is going to be her savior, while she leads other dudes on out of boredom and sleeps most of the day. Sure she helped with my son, some chores, helped us move, put in applications for work and all that but she was rarely asked to do any of those things. She just did them on her own and was thanked repeatedly, kept in cigarettes and given the run of the place (she got more use out of the computer and phone than the rest of us). We tried to make sure she was made to feel at home and connected to friends, family and her kids, while she tried to get herself together.

We had a few heated exchanges yesterday and she's yet to apologize for scaring my son, starting the frustration/angst-riddled arguments, leading on my brother-in-law and causing a stir between him and his brother. She just thinks she's entitled to create havoc with those who try to help her and we're supposed to give her what she wants in return. No sir, not this bitch! I don't play that way. So, now she has no place to stay (said burned bridges), until she can coerce some poor schmuck to take her in and I'll play the villain in her next sob story. I really didn't want things to end that way, but she kept spitting on the olive branches I was handing to her in between arguments.

Some people refuse to be helped and have to do it for themselves. If I can scratch and claw my way from the bottom...staying with various friends and not having a job, to getting my first place (on my own) and going back to college, to juggling a new baby (working and studying) the more recent home ownership/work/school/mommy juggle with a happy relationship thrown in...ANYBODY CAN! The only catch is that it's not easy at the least, takes years of building up (and re-building, even) and takes not letting anyone (be it friend, foe, an old flame or a struggle with depression) throw you off track. It's all about holding steady through the inevitable obstacles.

It sounds like it but I still don't hate her. I actually just think she's messed up and trying to pass the blame of her self-hatred to others. I really hope she finally gets it through her head that you don't make progress in life without being willing to sacrifice or change things (like negative reactions to little things and escapist behavior) can't run from everything that's unpleasant in life and expect others to do the work of "fixer". She does have the potential to do great things with her life and I hope she gets past this whole "user" phase...she wasn't always like that and I like to think she'll return to her old self soon enough.

Anyway...that's enough bitching for now. I'm spent! Besides, there's too many reasons to look forward, rather than backward, and that's where the focus should be. Here's to hoping my posts get sunnier!

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