Mar 10, 2011

Some Days, I Just Really Hate People

UPDATE: Thanks to "blog therapy", I decided to not call this time and be the grown woman I pride myself to being. However, if another comment is made toward me or my child, I will commence to telling her off then and make a formal complaint (to both offices). After that, I'll decide whether or not to switch daycares (he's made some friends here but this one was actually my second choice).

WARNING: Excessive Rant Alert!!

It's no secret that I have very little tolerance for ignorance...within reason, at least. Babies are ignorant of how to walk until we teach them...that sort of thing is understandable ignorance and so not what I'm bitching about right now.

There's this *lady* (and I mean that quite sarcastically) at my son's daycare who really gets on my nerves. She's always sneering at me whenever I drop him off and pick him up...first strike against her because I not only don't know her but she's the lunch lady...she doesn't even take care of the kids.

I overlooked that because looks don't exactly kill, it's only a minor annoyance, and I chalked it up to her being one of the many people in my small town who are just naturally grouchy people. I'm way more used to that kind of thing than I should be...(there's a legend in town that when the white man came, the natives here put a curse over it to doom the newbies to lives of unhappiness...not sure how true it is but there is a cloud of negativity here that doesn't go away and you can see it daily in the inhabitants).

Last week, she started complaining that his hair needed cut. Granted, it was a bit overdue but things were tight this month and meshing our schedule with our stylist's is generally dicey because the one day a week we normally have to do those things is the one weekday that she's has to be worked in wherever we can do so. Also, it's none of this woman's business...he's clean, healthy, exceptionally intelligent and isn't abused in any way, so an "emo-style" swoop on a two-year-old should be the least of her worries. Strike two...but I overlooked it because it was the first time she actually said anything and I try to give everyone the benefit of having a bad day.

Enter this morning. She follows me back to the coatroom on her way to the cafeteria to make some snarky-ass comment about me having to shift around his days to make time for appointments (which I do give them notice on whenever I can, BTW). Her claim was that "we have to shift our workers around and fill his spot on those days with paying parents..."

That's what pissed me off! While it's true that, as a broke student, the state is covering 25 hours/week for daycare to allow time to study, it's also true that I'm not milking the system like the drugheads around here do. For someone to imply that I'm among that group really razzes me...strike three! Everyone at that daycare knows that he's there because (1) I need the study-time free and (2) it's good for him to be around kids his age fairly regularly and he isn't old enough for pre-school yet. Not to mention that I do pay a co-pay every month for his being there.

She would also know that, since she spends her time chatting the care-givers up instead of working. I accept assistance with this and medical because we need to until we're out of this town with its bullsh*t stereotyping. I take as little as I can get by with because I feel it leaves more for those in a tighter spot than mine...they had to literally make me take a check for my niece when she came to live with me because it was "part of the process" (which actually wound up coming in real handy after I transferred to a more expensive college and got smaller disbursements). If I could afford it on my own, I'd be paying for a full week, not just taking him 3 days a week.

I didn't say anything at the time because I was a combo of a bit shocked at her inability to keep her damn mouth shut and had to go back to pick up my niece for school (normally she's with me, but she goes after everyone else on Thursdays and wanted to finish getting ready). I thought about overlooking her remark, but the more I thought about it, the more it pissed me off. I am so sick of sh*t like that, I could scream. I almost went back just to chew her out and my niece told me I "shouldn't let stupid people bother me". True enough (she's a smart kid), but I'm still seething...I just can't seem to shake it. It's not my fault if she lacks satisfaction in her life and feels the need to berate others, as though she knows anything about them.

I'm debating whether or not to call and make a formal complaint (with the daycare and, if necessary, the state agency that handles my case with them). To one degree, it seems excessive for one ignorant remark but, on the other hand, I don't want this idiot thinking she can start making me her verbal punching bag. I've been around people like this all my life and I can spot 'em a mile away...she's definitely one of those. If I don't make sure she's clear on some consequences for acting like that, she'll keep doing it and it will escalate to the point that I may have to knock her ass out to shut her up. I got in a lot of trouble as a teenager for doing that kind of thing, so I'd really prefer to keep my adult record clean.

I can only tolerate ignorance like that so far before I snap...which is saying a lot because I do have some pretty good self-control...I have to be REALLY mad to react like that. However, that said, I've been under a lot of stress the last couple years and I'm seeing some of my old anger patterns re-emerging. I don't like it but I recognize it as a natural reaction to long-term, on-going pressure, though I do worry what will happen when I finally lose the ability to hold it together. Some days, this is what I use to fuel the energy and intensity I need to get things done in a has its positive uses.

Whatever I decide to do about this incident...I'm sure going to get a lot done today!

Mar 7, 2011

Whew! Finally Made It Back!

I can't believe it's been a month since my last certainly was not intended! I've come across so many things to blog about in that time but had become so busy with everything that I kept forgetting to log in and post it.

Thank you for the comments you sent. The ultrasound went very well...not only is my gall bladder in good shape, the lady overseeing the intern doing my test made comments like "see her pancreas? that's what a healthy pancreas is supposed to look like". Since that test, I've been put on a heart monitor (for the occasional racy heart symptoms), which came back great, saw an allergist (test showed no allergies, despite lifelong sinus symptoms, which I suppose is good?) and had a CT scan for my long-swollen lymph node (no results till tomorrow but the node doesn't really bother me...they just want to be sure it's fine).

I suspect the CT scan may not be entirely necessary but I've had doctors in the past get concerned when they found that lymph node swollen, so who knows? As each test result comes back, I'm convinced that I'm still fairly healthy but I'm no closer to finding out why I can't shake the exhaustion and still have the GI symptoms. I've gotten a little of my energy back but I still take the occasional long naps (prob. 4-5 days a week). As I gain energy, I'm planning to use it to get back into shape and see how much that helps everything...I'm actually wondering if it's as simple as that. Is it possible that I was in such good health before that this dip could have made the difference and caused these symptoms? It's a curious thought, at the very least.

On the career front, I don't think I'm keeping busy enough. Everything's basically ad hoc and I'm finding that I keep going into these uncertain phases...for example, I might get caught up in a task, get it up to date, but get stuck on where to pick it back up after it's been a couple of weeks away. It seems weird to me, because I typically leave 'save points' for myself. On top of that, being completely ad hoc keeps me in a 'strictly maintenance' doesn't really allow me to make the kind of money I need to afford a bigger place. Since getting custody of my niece, she's been crammed into an already small room with her male cousins...not ideal for a teenage girl...and, though we're on the list for a bigger apartment in this complex, they're hard to come by. Something's gotta give.

So, I'm on the hunt for something more regular, that also pays well. By my estimates, seeing how I haven't had much come in besides a quick copywriting project that I'm pretty well finished with, I find myself in the position to discontinue my current assignments amicably and start fresh with new criteria. The only thing I aim to keep is the online marketing internship I started last week with a personal finance website. It doesn't require many hours and is flexible enough that I can work elsewhere on a regular schedule and maintain school.

I found something local that pays well and sounded like something I'd like to do. It's weird for me because I have social anxiety disorder and have gotten used to pretty much shutting in over the last couple of years but, on top of being bored, I think part of my problem is that I'm starved for adult interaction. I feel the need to challenge myself more and think now's the time to get started already.

So, I sent in my CV and a cover letter this morning. I'm not entirely certain that I'm qualified enough for middle management but took the chance anyway. Their requirements weren't too far out from where I'm currently at and I'm a fast learner. On top of that, getting CPR/First Aid Instructor-certified won't be too much of a problem, so that's covered too. If they're willing to take on a student, I'm willing to work. The only thing is that it appears to be a full-time position...but it's in the evening, which helps a lot, and I discussed it with my family and my boyfriend and niece said they were willing to help as much as possible so that i could do it, if hired. I'm sure my dad would help as much as he could too if, for instance, I got called in early and needed him to pick up my boyfriend from work or something like that. I love the feeling that I'm not as on my own with everything as I family is great at pulling together when we need to.

If this one doesn't pan out though, I'll be on the lookout for things on oDesk, as well as locally and will be keeping track of the corporate internships I found in Marketing. I find 'corporate' to generally be a bad word, but I'd be kidding myself if I didn't admit the experience and references it would bring would be a great career boost...and earn enough money to sustain us until I got my own thing started.

Anyway...I'll stop rambling now, LOL...I'll be back soon enough! Hope all's as well with you!