Tonight, I'm celebrating with Old Fezziwig!

I made it to the doctor today...and the news, while a little confusing, was good!

My neurologist told me that my lesions were caused BY my headaches, not the other way around. HUH?!? I don't fully get how that works because my doc talks so fast that it's harder to follow his accent. However, he did make it very clear that there's no aneurysm, tumor, Multiple Sclerosis or anything serious like that...but he did say that a lot of my headaches are stress-related (which my last neurologist also said) and curbing the symptoms is where it's at.

I'm not the type that's cool with daily meds (much prefer the holistic stuff!)...and I actually didn't start my first dose tonight because I'm sampling one of the brews in the seasonal combo I bought the other day, starting with the Old Fezziwig! I'm worried about mixing alcohol with medicine, so I'll start with my morning dose tomorrow and skip meds on the (rare) occasions that I do have a beer or glass of wine. I can still take my Valerian root when I feel the need, according to Doc, so I think I'm OK :)

One of the prescriptions (the pain one, not the muscle relaxer) had some hellish-sounding side effects listed amongst the info they give you...increased risk of stroke, heart attacks and even stomach/intestinal bleeding. I'm wondering if I should take it with my stomach problems, but the doc did know about those when he prescribed them...do the risks outweigh the benefits? I don't know but I'm willing to trust his expertise to see if it helps reduce the headaches so I can function better. I go back in 6 weeks and, if it doesn't help, we'll try something else. I'm still going to check WebMD to be sure before I take it...may do that now...

My dad was as upset as I was - he heard the word aneurysm as a possible cause and blocked the rest out, I think - and even offered to take out a life insurance policy on me if it was something serious, since I'm not yet in a position to have something to leave my kids and ensure my boyfriend has the help he needs (my share of the expenses, etc.) if I wasn't around. That's what I'm in school to build towards, late as my start is at 31 years old. I very much appreciate the sentiment but, luckily, it's not necessary and I have time to work on that on my own!

If there's a bright side (aside from NOT facing possible incapacitation or an early grave), it would be that it's really made me evaluate what's most important to me. I can't say I won't still be a workaholic that's obsessed with studying anything I can get my hands on, but I am more concerned with what I leave my loved ones with...I'd rather it be great experiences where my kids have learned something from me, etc. and not that I worked so much that I overlooked too much with them. I saw that revelation coming, really, and hope to find a better balance with that.

One of the things we've had planned with my oldest (who's almost 9 already!) is martial arts classes. My attorney teaches and I'm thinking of going that route. My boyfriend is a yellow belt in 3 disciplines, taught by a student of Bruce Lee, but his schedule and some health problems don't allow for his teaching. I also wanna help my son learn more about architecture (he wants to build houses, he says), dance and see him through his dream to play soccer.

My youngest is still into anything and everything that's fun! At 3, he's too young for the martial arts classes, so we want to encourage him in other things in the meantime. He's big into music and loves to perform (hence his rendition of the Hanes and JG Wentworth commercials, etc, etc. LOL). His oldest brother (my boyfriend's 20-yr old son) plays guitar and is amazing, and his great-uncle plays violin and banjo. Nearly everyone in my boyfriend's family is musically inclined, either singing or playing something, so it seems to be almost a birthright for him.

I realize I'm rambling so I'm going to have to punch Old Fezziwig in the face to make it stop...all in good fun :) To a wonderful night!

I Feel Vindicated At Last!... But Not So Good About It...

It's been a while since I posted on something that wasn't a rant, aside from the piece about the Hanes commercial :) I keep saying I'll post about my boyfriend asking my Dad for my hand in marriage, my school updates, etc., then get caught up and forget or get too tired to do anything at all.

Anyway, I finally made it back to the doctor because I still feel crappy. Between the almost constant nausea, intestinal pain, exhaustion and headaches that have stuck around pretty much in one spot (with occasional movement elsewhere), my doc decided to - finally - set up an abdominal xray and an MRI for my head.

The xray showed up fine, despite persisting symptoms, but the MRI turned up some interesting results. It turns out there are lesions on my brain. I was so upset yesterday after finding out that I could do nothing but cry and look up any and all possible causes for such a thing...which are MANY and VARIED!

I kept telling myself not to get so upset because we don't yet know how serious it is (I have an appointment with a new neurologist Monday for further tests). It could be something major, like a tumor, aneurysm or Multiple Sclerosis...OR it could be something caused by the hormone therapy I had a couple years ago (which triggered the worst of my symptoms) or even the one bad tooth I have, which I've delayed having a root canal on or have pulled.

The only thing I know for sure is that I have solid proof that my symptoms weren't in my head (figuratively, at least), as some doctors tried to get me to believe as I left them to get new opinions. I also know that the one organ I hold most dear is being/has been attacked in some form or other and that scares me. Sure, our hearts and other organs are important but, in my personal opinion, they are the engine, carburetor, etc. while the brain is more like the transmission...without a way to shift, a car will just idle and that's a big part of what our brains offer us.

The damage could be permanent and /or progressive or something that's already hit it's peak and I just have to adapt to the cognitive changes that have already taken place. I have steadily lost the ability to multi-task effectively and find myself nearly walking into corners, getting dizzy/numb, etc. for a while now. The thought of losing any functioning, whether it's cognitive, motor, or whatever scares me...But I won't know until we run other tests what it is and what to expect.

All I know at this point is that my nature is to fight anything that poses itself as an opponent. I intend to fight whatever this is and pay forward any help I get along the way. I was looking into energy healing, acupuncture, etc. even before the test was run, with the intention of also getting help getting back into performing healings myself (Reiki classes, etc.) so I could help others who are out of balance. The call to do healings and re-awaken my creative self has been stronger recently than it's probably ever been and I hope I can still do it...

American Politics (Oi Vey!)

It's not often I bring up my political or religious beliefs on this blog...it's not what I created it for. However, my Myspace account is no longer active and politics in this country has reached such an unprecedented scale of ridiculousness that I can't NOT comment on it. Where to start????

Last night, our President gave his annual State of the Union speech and, while I agree that it's his precursor to his re-election campaign, he brought up some excellent points for where change is most needed in America. Namely, jobs and the economy, decreasing financial burdens on the average citizens while the rich gain more on our backs, benefits to the middle and working classes, as well as to the students (and teachers) that will build our newest generations....in general, fairness across the board.

Who would have an issue with that, the intelligent and educated citizen would ask, right?

The obvious answer would be the GOP, who oppose anything that doesn't directly benefit them and those who over-pay them to push their (usually, corporate) agendas. Speaker of the House, Boehner, went on FauxNews to call the President's speech "pathetic"...BEFORE he even gave his speech! How immature is this party getting, in their pursuit to maintain the status quo?

I almost never bring this up in public, because it's a distant and political connection, but my grandfather's cousin spent some time as Speaker of the House (and became well-known for his fairness and integrity, which are common traits to my family in general), so I'm ashamed to say that this office is now being used to the opposite purpose. It's a disgusting abuse of elected office!

More than ever, they are pushing the religion card around. Romney's Mormon, Santorum's Fundamentalist Christian and Gingrich has tried out a few. Some GOP-ites are calling for kicking Obama out of office, under the idea that he's an "avowed Muslim". This appalls me completely because one of the great things about this country is the whole Freedom of Religion thing our Constitution states.

America was founded by Deists (who believe in God but deny divine interaction into any earthly affairs), who felt one's religion was a personal matter and not to be taken into politics. For crying out loud, Ben Franklin could easily have been called a Satanist for his Libertine, self-serving views! America was founded to be the safe haven from places where religion ruled in politics.

My point is that the religion of our President or the GOP candidates (or anyone else) should never be a political platform. Period!

The GOP are now vying for nomination for the upcoming election and can't even keep from cheap-shotting one another! Problem is, of the 4 remaining candidates, only one has stayed away from the nonsense - Ron Paul. Santorum has only shown his propensity for claiming he's more of a religious zealot than the rest (not to mention all the money he took from the healthcare industry), while Romney and Gingrich are quibbling over who's the biggest sell-out and who's cheated more on their taxes. News Flash: They're BOTH dangerous to America, in more ways that I can list in one post!

Is this the best the GOP can offer our country? Meanwhile, they claim they're all for the People. Between "stealth" attempts to pass harmful legislation behind the backs of US citizens (SOPA/PIPA, Citizens United, more bank/corporate bailouts at taxpayer expense, among others) and gross negligence of our Constitutional rights (with emphasis on our 1st and 4th amendment rights), they really only offer us more of the same of what Americans are sick of and promise to introduce more Big Brother-esque tactics to hold citizens even further down.

America deserves better than this, to be sure!

In my opinion, Pres. Obama's biggest flaw is wasting 3 years of his first term in office trying to negotiate with these over-paid, sell-out babies. They roadblock everything he proposes and then blame him when nothing gets done. To me, it's akin to negotiating with terrorists (a no-win, except to those hoping to profit from it).

He needs to take a tougher stance and push the agenda of the People. It's what he stated in his address and I really hope he sticks to it. I guarantee if he does, he'll win the Undecided vote and probably some of the moderate-rights...he'd almost definitely get re-elected because people are sick of the crap. So, less talk, more action...more progress!